Delayed pride

I just flipped through some graduation pictures and for some odd reason it didn't take me back to my graduation, but it took me back to my dad's.

He quit school in 10th grade, and he talks about it a lot. He's always talking about how he's not very good with reading or remembering or learning stuff, but I think he underestimates himself. He was only at his high school for a year, but his teachers still remember him to this day, and not for bad stuff. There was actually one teacher that referred to be as "Little Reggie" when I went through. He did a project in 10th grade that is still in a display case at the school to this day (well the last time I was there anyway). So he's remembered for being smart and working with his hands.

He up and decided one day that he needed to get his GED, so that he could learn to read blue prints (he does construction). He just woke up and decided it. He went to the local community college and started it. A couple of weeks later, he walked and moved his tassel. I didn't really realize it at the time, but that's a pretty big deal. I was in jr. high and can say I got to see my dad graduate and get his diploma.

I didn't think about it at the time, but actually participating in the graduation is very unlike him. He's not really one to get caught up in the ceremony of things, he is more concerned with the task completion. Today it surprises me that he bought the cap and gown, that he sat through the commencement, but more importantly that he told us before hand so that we could be there.

It occurs to me that this is the only time in my life that he was proud of his accomplishment and wanted his family to be there to see it. I totally didn't get that at the time, and don't get me wrong, I was proud and I was impressed.

He is not a reader, he loves math. I remember him studying and studying. He broke out my old set of hooked on phonics (remember that?) He was on a limited time frame to be able to walk. He studied his heiney off and took the placement tests and scored so high that he didn't have to take a single class.

I though it was super cool that he didn't have to take any classes. It just shows that sometimes it does take a piece of paper to make us see that we're good enough. I'm sure he still thinks of himself as not having a diploma, of being a drop out, but he's not.

I'm pretty proud, much more so than at the time, I didn't really get it.




 

Happy Mother's Day

This year I will spend Mother's Day with a bundle of squishiness and love that smiles and coos when she sees me.

Last year, I spent it a bundle of hormones and raging craziness that were the lovely side effects of fertility drugs.

Lovies who struggle to meet their babies, I think about you daily. I will think about you tomorrow, and though it's of little comfort I do not take a second for granted. I cherish it all.




 

Book Review - Big Girl Panties by Stephanie Evanovich

 

From Barnesandnoble.com:

"A rollicking, sensuous, feel-good romantic comedy about a grieving young widow who decides to get in shape . . . and winds up getting her groove back—and a whole lot more!

Holly didn't expect to be a widow at thirty-two. She also didn't expect to be so big. After her husband's death, food was the one thing she could always count on. Now, those extra pounds make flying coach feel like medieval torture—especially when she's squished next to Logan Montgomery. A personal trainer to famous pro athletes, her seatmate is so hot that he makes Holly sweat in all the right (and so embarrassingly wrong!) places.

Though Holly doesn't make the grade on Logan's first-impression meter, he finds himself intrigued by her sharp wit and keen insights—a welcome change from the high-maintenance models he dates—so he impulsively offers to get her back in shape. A little skeptical but ready to make at least one positive change in her life, Holly agrees."

 

It's been a while since I read anything. This went by fast for me.
I liked it! I liked that it was a quick read and the humor was great!
I really liked Holly's sense of humor, it's much like mine!
I love the Walker's and I love that Logan realized that he had issues of his own early on.
I absolutely love that Holly and Amanda weren't skinny models. I love that they were both realistic and I love  that Evanovich didn't feel the need to make them that way.
I like that Holly was determined and showed up ready to work, because that is what it takes (and what I am currently not doing.)
I would love to have read the Walker's story! I look forward to more from Stephanie Evanovich!
This was a fantastic beach read!

 

 



 

This cannot be real

This cannot possibly be real.


Quick run down is that this 5 month old was born with a murmur and he was having flu like symptoms so his parents took him to the hospital. They were not happy with how the hospital were treating their baby so they left to go elsewhere.

They got the attention and help they needed at the second hospital but the doctor and nurses at the first hospital reported them to cps for leaving so the police can INTO THEIR HOUSE and took the baby FROM HIS MOTHER'S ARMS and they still don't have him back, two days later.

This is an absolute outrage, how can this be legal?? I understand that cps has an incredibly hard job. But I feel like their time could be better spent.


 

Are they really

Are they really going to let me walk out of here with a BABY, which is in fact a little tiny person that can do nothing for itself. They are going to let me walk out of here with this baby to take care of and make sure nothing happens to her and eventually influence and help her with her life??? Holy Crap.

I still think this sometimes. I still think, "They let me just leave with her!"

I'm pretty thankful for all the help we had in the beginning, because we had no clue. In fact, at one point as I was laughing at the way DH was putting on an outfit he said to me, "I don't know how to do this, I've never had a baby before!" Which of course made me laugh even more because I had to point out the obvious....me either!

Anywho, thanks to my handy dandy Total Baby App, I know that Baby is 1 month and 9 days old. By the way, that Total Baby app is TOTALLY worth the $5 it costs. No kidding, I am much more attached to my phone than BB (before Baby), and that's saying alot!

People were telling me that by 4 weeks you'll be an expert at nursing and know exactly what your baby wants all the time. I've got to be honest, I thought that was a pile of poo for the first few weeks, but it's true.

Now, while I still don't feel like a pro nurser, I know what the heck I'm doing. This is mainly due to the fact that I found the absolute best lactation consultant imaginable. She is seriously amazing! She answers my insane questions at any hour. She will come over whenever you need her and she's so smart. The absolute most important person in my baby expert arsenal right now is my LC. I wish I had found her BB to give me a better idea of what was going to happen and what I would have questions about, but finding her at all has been a total blessing. Get Yourself A Lactation Consultant!!

Now, I'm really glad that we had so much help for the first week or so. DH's parent's and sister were here for a while and that made me able to nap during the day, which was amazing. The SIL also did time as a L&D nurse and that was fan.tas.tic! She was able to answer questions for us and help with bfing.

And here we are, lo and behold, 5 weeks into this madness and they were right. Other than the very few random times she's just decided she wanted to cry for a while, I know exactly what she needs. I know when she's hungry and when she just needs to sleep. It's pretty weird. Today I went to the fabric store and babies r us all.by.my.self. and it went great. It was my first trip out and about by myself (Not counting quick things that involve drive through service. I was able to get her in and out of the car and into the stroller twice without any breakdowns on either part.

I'm pretty proud of myself, thankyouverymuch! This week is my 6 week check up with the endo and the midwives. My mom is thankfully helping me out by going with me, I'm not ready for an all day to Nashville trip all by my lonesome. I'll let you know how it goes!

Now, to the picture...it.just.kills.me!!

Just taking a little walk!

 

Awww, poor Pippa

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Let me tell you about the saddest dog in the whole wide world.

Since the hubs was going to be at home for a while for his paternity leave, we decided to get Pippa fixed while he was at home to help keep an eye on her. First, let's catch you up on all things Pippa.

She is so big, last check she was 44 pounds and growing, she's tall (it seems like to be) for a lab. She's super smart and knows just how far she can go but sometimes goes over it anyway. She loves to run and she absolutely lives to fetch. She would do it all day long and all night. We have to make her stop and drink water. And then she'll even get the ball and play fetch herself. How you ask? Well, she'll get the tennis ball and "throw" it down the deck stairs and then run and go get it. Ah.Ma.zing. She loves it when DH rough houses with her, she'll just flip all over.

Well, after getting her fixed she had to not run, not play, not flip over for TEN days. (DH had to take me to the ER on day 10, so really it was 11.) It took us until day2 or 3 to figure out that we just had to put her outside and pretty much ignore her. That was the only way that she wouldn't run and be wild. There was a time or two that we thought she was going to pull her stitches, but the vet said she looked great.

I felt so bad to just ignore her every time she came and whined at the door. She would cry in her bed, and when she cries she has real tears and they stay on her little face for days making you feel worse! The guilt was pretty bad because she didn't know why no one would come and play with her. She didn't know why she couldn't come inside and sit around with us, she just stood in the window and stared at us...how heartbreaking!

She was so sad! Fortunately she did great and her stitches are finally out and it's going to be a beautiful weekend so she has a few long and fun trips to the puppy bark in her very near future!

Source of comfort

So for the last few months I've been reading tons of stuff about what the heck to do with a little baby. For those interested, I love The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Baby Book. I also marked things for DH to read and learn all about.

So we opted for attachment style parenting, which pretty much means no schedule and lots of cuddle time. I feed her when she shows feeding cues, I don't do the "every 2 hours" thing, I feed her when she's hungry...which sometimes means she'll eat for 40 minutes and nap for 20 minutes and want to eat again, which is fine. We hold her a whole bunch. And she loves the Moby! (I'm hoping to try out a ring sling soon too.)

Both of those books talk about people telling you that you're spoiling the child, or she needs to cry it out, or learn how to self-soothe and put herself to sleep. I've only had that a time or two, thankfully.

Last Thursday, when I was so sick, DH had to do everything for both dogs, for me and for Baby. She knew that something was up because that day, for the first time, she reached a level of upset not seen before. Everytime she had a diaper change, needed to eat, or was put down she went into hysterics instead of just starting with a little whimper. Once time in particular DH said, she just needs you to hold her. I didn't think I would be able to because of how much I was hurting, but I did some juggling (sort of literally) and snuggled her and instantly she stopped. I didn't have to shhh shhh shhh, or hum or jiggle, just instantly when she laid her little head on my chest that was enough.

That was pretty insane to me. This tiny little human needs me alot, I already knew this. I am her source of nutrition, but also for comfort and sense of security. Her day was totally different that day. For a little tiny one a change that was her world being turned upside down. She needed to be held close by me, even for a second to be in her safe place. That's pretty intimidating to be someone's safe place.

I was worried about this motherhood thing, who isn't. But here we are almost to one month and I know that I know what she needs. She knows that I will listen when she's trying to tell me something. Both of those books talk about trust being so essential to the mother-child bond and I know that our relationship has a firm foundation of trust.

I'm really glad that we are doing attachment parenting, I really think that she's thriving. She's a good little monkey. She doesn't cry except for when she has a wet diaper, and I'm not getting ready to feed her fast enough. Otherwise she sleeps through everything (except a toilet flush oddly) and looks around learning up a storm. It's really amazing to see all the things that she's learning and observing.

Here's your picture!

These are becoming more and more frequent these days, although her serious learning face is still around most of the time!